I want to know how to be a nun?

have i got to get my fanny operated on to stitch it up to be a born again virgin and avoid getting shagged off a priest i own a bit of a well used hole ? would like to know how to join a convent. i have just got the clobber a habit off a fancy dress website. do i just knock on the door of the local church or somethin and ask if i can get in and stay , is there a waiting list?